Requiem for a friend, and an announcement. Thursday, Jun 16 2011 

friends and SCC and support Zelda Rose 9:31 PM

When I took my first steps into discovering who I was, I looked for a local TG support group. Through AOL’s Transgender Community Forum (in ’97, this was the best resource I had) I discovered Gulf Gender Alliance in New Orleans. Sending their contact a message, she told me I’d need to be screened before I went to a meeting, and she knew someone in Lafayette who she could send me to. And so, one afternoon, I went to a warehouse off Ambassador Caffery to meet the woman who would be the first person I had ever come out to face to face.

Ann ran a business selling shoes to women with large feet, and was approached by crossdressers and transsexuals looking for shoes that would fit. She became part of the community. When I met her, she talked to me with kindness and caring, and I felt comfortable. She introduced me to Crystal Little and Cissy Conley, who would become so important to my growth over the years. I met other CD’s through her. And I spent hours talking to her, becoming friends. When I needed a place to store my things, she offered to let me use her warehouse.

Later, when I moved to New Orleans, I went to my first Southern Comfort in Atlanta. And the second person I saw when I walked into the hotel was Ann. From then on, we’d see each other every year at Southern Comfort, catching up. We remained friends, and I looked forward to seeing her each year.

I had known she had been ill last year, but did not know the extent. On June 5, Ann passed away. I found out yesterday, and I am still numb.

If not for Ann, I don’t know how my life would have changed. She was a friend when I needed one, gave me advice when it was useful, told me the truth when I needed that, and I can never thank her enough for what she did. I will truly miss her.

~~~~~~~~~~

I will not be at Southern Comfort this year. The short reason is that I can’t afford it right now. Also, I just don’t feel the same need to go that I have in the past. The last couple of years I’ve felt like this, but I managed to turn it around. Maybe a year away will give me the desire again?

I will miss my friends, and having a week being Zelda full-time. Please raise a glass for me, and have a ball. 

 

Aware of the unawareness, and the one hundreth post Monday, Aug 23 2010 

friends and girltime and SCC Zelda Rose 7:25 AM

This is my one hundredth post to this blog. There’s no real significance to the subject and this fact; I just saw that I had posted ninety-nine posts already, and I wanted to take some note of this. I’m kind of surprised. I keep thinking I have not posted much to here, yet I have. One hundred posts may not be a lot compared to some bloggers, but when you constantly suffer from writer’s block it’s one hundred times I managed to get over it.

Anyway.

Last Saturday the spouse and I went out for breakfast. Or rather, we went to meet a group of people for breakfast, something organized by friends who wanted like-minded (aka, leather/BDSM/etc. types) to meet up. The restaurant would fit in back in New Orleans-an older building that’s seen better days, mismatched decor, but excellent food.

I was accosted by someone I know who asked I was going to a fundraiser they were working on in October. I had totally forgotten about it, and I still haven’t decided what I’m doing yet. There was a request that Zelda show up, and some not-too-subtle flattery.

Later, I was going through some photos on my phone (what, you don’t keep pictures of yourself in an unlisted directory on your phone?) and the person next to me asked who the woman was. I’ve known him for a while, but he didn’t know I was a CD. Sometimes, I just assume people know, and it kind of took me by surprise. Of course I showed off a bit-because that’s what we do, isn’t it? No matter who you are, positive attention is a good thing…

Breakfast? Good. The company was better, and afterward indulging someone’s office supply fetish was fun.

Fifteen days from now, I’ll be on my way to Atlanta for the Southern Comfort Conference. This will be my eleventh time, and it’s always an experience. Sometimes better than others. My first SCC, I got so lost finding the hotel I saw most of Atlanta. I went there only a week after 9/11; all of us who showed up felt like we were just happy to be someplace close to normal. A month after Katrina with things still undone in New Orleans I went to Atlanta and the shock of being in a normal place was hard. So was Rita hitting home while I was there. I’ve dealt with family issues, my mom’s cat dying, and other things long-distance while there.

I go to SCC because I get to see people I don’t get to see the rest of the year. I go because I get to, for a few days, be closer to what I am. I love Atlanta almost as much as I love New Orleans.

Fifteen days…

 

The days and nights of Zelda in New Orleans, part 3 Thursday, Jan 28 2010 

friends and girltime and NewOrleans and transjoy Zelda Rose 11:15 PM

I’d made arrangements to meet up with Vanessa, a girl who I had met online. She was working that evening, so we’d have to meet up late. Well, New Orleans is a town where things do not start early, anyway. A mix of outfits for tonight; the jeans and boots from Thursday night with a black and purple print t-shirt from Kat Von D, the black PVC bomber and fingerless driving gloves. Oh, and the new hat.

I was out of the room about nineish, and had not heard from Vanessa yet. Took forever to find parking-had to resort to a hotel garage and their overpriced rates. I really had no plans at the moment, so I found something to eat and then dropped into some of the bars I used to go by. Most haven’t changed-for good or bad. Eventually I decided I was ready to go back, until I got a message from Vanessa. We decided to meet up at John Pauls on Elysian Fields. It’s a location that has been a dozen other bars, but I had not been there since it changed owners. I arrived a bit early, got a soda and chatted with some of the locals. It’s sort of a neighborhood bar, except the clientele is gay and they do drag shows there.

Vanessa arrived, and we really got along incredibly well. She’s the kind of person I wish I had known when I was living in New Orleans-fun, smart, confident. I’d have been a lot happier! We talked and had drinks until I had to leave about 3AM (something else I miss-no closing times), went back to the hotel and got some sleep before I had to drive back to Dallas that day…

So, what have we learned Zelda?

Well, what we’ve learned is that New Orleans is one of the best places a tgirl can visit. It’s a city where people really are accepting. The French Quarter is perfect for a day of shopping, eating, meeting people, and relaxing. You can walk it easily-just remember to wear comfortable shoes. In Spring and Fall, the weather’s moderate enough to be comfortable. Winter’s are usually mild. Summer, you may want to avoid unless you enjoy high humidity and heat even in the evenings. In the off-season hotels are not too bad, and if you find one with cheap parking all the better. The streetcars will take you down St. Charles and the Garden District with Magazine Street’s shops and dining nearby. A car will get you to many parts of the city, though the roads are rough and parking is sometimes a problem.

Some of the best little shops are in New Orleans. The food’s great, and you’ll find that there is more than “Cajun” cooking-almost every cuisine is represented, and the local Creole cooking is superb. Live music is a big part of the city, and you’ll find a wide variety of clubs. There is a large, active LGBT community (though the T is not so much) that enriches the city. And the people? I had two random encounters with people who I spent at least ten minutes talking to. There’s an openness there, a shared love of the city and knowing that things are always changing.

The city itself has an energy to it that I’ve never felt anywhere else. It’s a living place that you’ll either love or hate but never feel indifferent to.

It’s also got the most underwhelming transgender community I know of. I came of age in New Orleans as a transgendered person, and I am thankful that I had the people I did who helped me come out and who cared about me. Even when I was not exactly the shy retiring type. A few days ago, I got an email that Gulf Gender Alliance-my “home group”-is closing down due to a lack of members and activity. This group was suffering before Katrina; after it, it was only a matter of time.

There are quite a few Tgirls in New Orleans. Not that you’d know it most of the time. There are a number of drag queens and working girls out there, but crossdressers are rare. Most CD’s seem to be either closeted or won’t go out locally. The most-cited reason is a fear of being found out. New Orleans is in some ways a small town, where neighbors know each other and what’s going on around them. There’s a bit of conservatism in the business community. So yes, I suppose there is a real fear of being “outed.”

So I’d go to group meetings (when we were still meeting in Kenner at a hotel) where girls would show up, dress for the meeting, then change to go home. They couldn’t even consider going out! And that attitude seems to still be there. I asked a few people I knew if they’d want to go out and they’d always say no. Which is how I developed a certain fearlessness-I wanted to go out, I did, and I took the BS when it happened. Made me a better person, but still I’d have loved to have had someone to go out with…

New Orleans is such a great place, and if you’re living there or nearby, you are missing out on so much! There’s so much to do, so many things to see. I know people who live in cities that have fewer opportunities but get out. What’s your excuse?

I do know that people expect others to organize things for them. Guess what? YOU need to be the person! Get off your pretty little butt and seek out people. Or just go out one day and have coffee at Community Coffee House on Royal in a cute little outfit and be happy. It doesn’t take much, just a desire to be real.

Okay, I’m off my soapbox now. I just need to get back again…

 

Last night Friday, Mar 13 2009 

friends and girltime Zelda Rose 6:37 PM

Wet, rainy, cold. Perfect night to go out. Spent way too much time getting ready. Makeup was good, except I still can’t do false eyelashes worth a damn. Picked an outfit, then picked another, then had issues trying to figure out what to wear. I hate being indecisive, yet it happens all the time.

Finally picked out a black cross strap dress from Torrid, with fishnet stockings and patent boots from Electrique Boutique. Added a jacket that matched the dress that I had bought two years ago at Torrid. Got out of the house way late, drove directly to The Church to meet the girls. I was mad at myself for missing time chatting over drinks at the Bronx, but it’s my own fault. Dancing, drinking, chatting, all good things. Left about 1 AM, got home and overslept this morning (a bad habit I have).

 

So what have you been up to? Thursday, Oct 23 2008 

friends and girltime and shopping Zelda Rose 9:33 PM

After SCC, I had about a week to decompress and try to get back into things. Of course, life has a way of interfering with your mood. I decided to make the local crossdresser’s group’s monthly meeting, more as an excuse to dress up than anything. I’d mentioned on their mailing list that I needed to find a pair of dress boots, and someone offered to bring a pair in my size to try. It was also their Halloween party, but I decided to not bother trying with a costume-I knew I was going to go do some shopping before the party. I could have brought something to wear, but why bother?

Ever notice it always takes you twice as long to get ready as you think it will, even if you know what you’re wearing? Exactly. I drove to Electrique Boutique to see if they might have a pair of dress boots. I knew they’d have stripper boots, and fetish thigh-highs, but anything less dramatic they don’t normally carry in my size.

And I was right. So off to Kroger’s for snacks for the party, then to the Gay and Lesbian Center for the meeting. I wasn’t the only person who didn’t dress for the holiday. But some did, including a new person who I didn’t recognise. When we started talking, we realised that we knew each other from online. Small world?

The turnout for the meeting was not bad, there was more socializing than anything, though nobody seemed to want to go out afterward and I wasn’t going alone, so I called it an early night. In the past, that would have bothered me but somehow tonight, it didn’t. I did talk to Anna about going shopping the following Friday at Allen Premium Outlets for the boots. She was interested in going out shopping, and I like spending time with her.

So, the following Friday, I do my best casual girl look (black ballet top with 3/4 length sleeves, purple and black print broomstick skirt) and called her on the way. When she realised we had made plans, and I took my time getting there to give her time to get ready. We went to the outlet mall, and walked the entire thing (it’s a big outdoor mall in a circle). And NOBODY had a pair of boots in 12m. I mean, really! I did get a sweater at Lane Bryant Outlet, which is one of the best places to shop. But I was cranky enough over not finding boots that I went back home earlier than I’d planned, fighting Friday evening traffic which made me more cross…

I talked to a friend online about my problem, and she suggested looking for a particular boot on eBay. And I found them, at a good price. They came in today, and fit perfectly! THAT made my day!

Saturday afternoon I fly to DC for a wedding of two good friends. Andrea I’ve known for a while, since we were commenting on each other’s LiveJournals. I’ve seen her romance with Brooke blossom for a while, and when I was invited to attend I was truly touched. Which is why I needed the boots, because the outfit I’m wearing wouldn’t work as well without them.

So, that’s what has been going on. More or less. I’ll post something from DC…

 

Just saying, you know? Friday, Mar 21 2008 

friends and living Zelda Rose 6:19 PM

I use Yahoo Messenger for my IM’s, mostly because the vast majority of people I know use it too. And while it’s not perfect, it does work. I’ve also gotten a pretty large “friends” list, too. Most of the people I talk to online are really friends; people who I like and who I have either met in person or hope to someday.

And there’s a few who I won’t, and wonder why I ever “friended” them. They are Tgirls, who I thought were interesting or who contacted me. But after a while, I have realized their needs and mine are not the same.

See, I’m not a whore. Or a madam. My home isn’t a brothel. I am not a dating service, or a tour guide. I don’t do charity work for wayward trannies.

So why is it that people want me to:

* Have sex with them, even when they know I’m married.
* Want me to find them someone who’ll have sex with them.
* Want to come to my house so I can “entertain” them because they can’t in their own home.
* Want me to invite them to come to Dallas and spend time showing them around and “partying.”
* Want me to show them how to shop, dress, do makeup, behave, for nothing more than their gratitude.

Why?

What reason should I have to break up my relationship for you? Why should I find you a sex partner? Why should I bring a stranger to my home because they’re not out to their own spouse? Why should I spend days entertaining you? Why should I teach you when you’re not willing to do the work first?

Because we’re “sisters?” Honey, we didn’t come out of the same womb. Because I somehow owe you? No, I don’t. I owe a debt to those who have helped me-for no other reason than they wanted to. They didn’t ask for anything in return. And I’ve helped trannys who asked but didn’t grab onto me like a leech when I said “Now you do it.”

I’m finding that I am becoming such a cynic.

Oh, there IS a caveat. There are people out there who I’d do anything for. Who I regard as friends, who I care about, and who have shown me kindness through the years. They know me, my life, and would NEVER ask something that I couldn’t do. Those people always have an open invitation to my home, and I’d happily play tour guide because I enjoy their company. And I bet those people know who they are, too.

True friends have my heart. The leeches get my stompy boot.

 

A few choice words (not mine) Monday, Jul 9 2007 

friends Zelda Rose 6:42 PM

My friend Sabrina Pandora, from her LiveJournal:

If something that I say or an opinion that I put forth or a feeling that I express offends you or hurts your feelings, then don’t cry about it to anyone but me. Why? Because grown-ups do that. They communicate. If you are upset with me in some way and never communicate it to me in any form at all save second hand (ie through others) then quite frankly, I don’t care. If it isn’t important enough to say something about it to me, then obviously it wasn’t that important. People who have known me for six months know that. I would expect those who have known me longer to know it that much better.

~~~~~

I lead a unique existence in many ways. No, I am not the only one of my kind in any way shape or form, but I’m certainly different than your average joe on the street. There are some suggested guidelines for my lifestyle as well as precedents for what has gone before. But I’m a very big girl. I happen to think that I am capable of making my own decisions, and determining my own course in life. Yes, I do go through rough times, as do we all. Yes, I have made things harder on myself by embracing the lifestyle that I have. Yes, there are plenty of other ways to go about this life of mine. And no, I am not so egotistical as to think that I know better than everyone who has preceded me.

But this is my life. Mine. It is not the girl down the street, nor that guy over there, and their lives are different from mine. What is necessary for them may not be so for me, just as what is necessary for me may not be right for them. And in living it, I seek advice and counsel from many sources to make my own decisions. But they are my decisions to make, and mine to live with. No one else. There have been consequences for my actions as I have changed myself over the past few years, and I have paid them. Perhaps not without some lament nor complaint, but I’m no saint. I’m only human. How many of you can say that you have not done the same in your own lives, though the outward expression most likely was not nearly as drastic? Do you too not seek counsel from those near to you when considering possibilities or encountering hard times? And shall you too be judged for that?

~~~~~

In closing, I’ve a few words for my critics first. If you don’t like the way I dress, the shoes I wear, the way I talk, the way I walk, the way I express myself, the way that I choose to cope with the attention that comes my way, both good and bad, the way I work, the way I play, the way I dance or the way I date… I have a very simple answer.

Don’t watch or listen. Ignore me. That’s the best way I know to show your disapproval of me and my choices. Just ignore me and to you I simply go away.

And to those of you who don’t fall into the categories of those who disapprove, the same advice holds. If you want me in your life, then make an effort to be a part of mine. A friend I hadn’t seen in a long time came to visit me, and we found that after all of these years, we are better friends than ever before, because of the people that we’ve become. And that’s all it takes to be a part of my life- be a friend.

*****

I hope she doesn’t mind that I quoted her. A lot. But I read this today, and it hit home, and says some things I have been feeling for a while but had never put into words.

I have some very smart friends.

 

The Space Between Friday, Jul 6 2007 

friends and health Zelda Rose 3:17 PM

I have not been posting much of anything lately. But I have a good excuse.

I had to have eye surgery recently. No, nothing to worry about, things went well but it takes time to adjust to things and my vision for reading has not been great.

Another thing has been a situation with my employment. That too will work out. Hopefully soon.

I got a wonderful compliment from Angie Demaskau while we were chatting on Yahoo IM today. She said she liked reading my blog. And I’m vain enough to like it when people tell me they like my writing.

She also said she thought I was accessible and balanced. I hope I’m accessible. As for being balanced, that might be a stretch…