Why I Love Cross-Dressers | The Transadvocate Sunday, Sep 4 2011 

Why I Love Cross-Dressers | The Transadvocate

Ten reasons why a trans-identified woman sees herself as an ally for cross-dressers and why others should respect them as well.

Interlude Sunday, Oct 3 2010 

I didn’t go to GEAR; simply not into going this time. We celebrated the twenty-first birthday of my stepson, in a uniquely family way. We don’t do huge, elaborate things; dinner at a favorite place with friends of the family. This is an on-call week for my spouse, which means lots of things go out the window. We do not make plans for call weeks…

One interesting thing from the birthday dinner. I was sitting next to a friend who had never seen me en femme until last Saturday at Beyond Vanilla.* He did not at first realize that was me! He did however compliment me; thought I looked lovely that night. I thanked him; always nice to get a compliment. I forget that not everyone has seen me that way.

* No, I did not go to the birthday dinner en femme.

Pass GO, collect your life Thursday, Apr 23 2009 

There is a discussion on passing on the SCCLounge, which I moderate. One of the questions was about people who don’t care if they do or do not pass, and I wrote:

I do not know if I represent “the other side” but do know I’m not overly concerned with being “passable” or “blending” when I go out. But I do think I make a pretty good Zelda.

I am over six feet tall and am not in the WNBA. I can’t shop at Bebe or Forever 21-I’m a Lane Bryant and Torrid girl. I’ve got a few miles on the clock, which I am reminded of daily. And my personal style varies from Goth girl to casual funk to damned near soccer mom.

Okay, this one time, at SCC I went to the mall with a really nice, very cute and feminine tgirl. It was a Saturday afternoon, with lots of people shopping. We spent about an hour and a half in the mall, shopping and talking and in general enjoying ourselves. As we were leaving, this girl asked me “How do you stand it?”

“Stand what?” I said, wondering what had happened.

“The stares,” she replied with a slightly concerned look on her face.

“What stares?” I replied. Which took her by surprise. After all, I *had* to be worried about having been “clocked” as a tgirls! Right?

Well, no. I had not paid attention to other people’s reactions to me. I had not been looking around to see who had or had not been looking at me. Because it did not matter. I wasn’t looking for other people’s valitation, or for their acceptance or lack of it. I just was there, another person shopping in the mall.

I do know that the vast majority of people tend not to really say or do anything when they see me. Either I register as another woman in their mind, or they know something is different about me but they don’t care enough to stop and take another look, or they know exactly what I am but it is not an issue for them. A handfull will take a second or longer look at me. They may say something to the person they are with, or not. They may smile at me, smirk knowingly, giggle, frown, or something else. And once in a blue moon, someone will actually make a remark to me or at me.

And I accept that those are all possibilities. But I do not let them discourage me. What I *do* is to go out and be myself. Because I have the choice of staying at home, woried that I am not going to blend or pass and trap myself in my own closet. Or, I accept who I am and just, well, do it.

I do feel comfortable with who I am-and that make a lot of difference. It’s far more likely that you’ll blend into the crowd if you feel like you belong there rather than feel like you’re an outsider. Passing? That’s good genes and/or medicine, and the ablilty to totally get rid of everything stereotypically male you can.

But for me, I’ll just be the best Zelda I can be.

Sometimes, they get it right Thursday, Mar 5 2009 

I love this. It’s an ad for an Argentine bank; you really need to watch it. Because it says far more about how one person can learn to accept not by being forced, but by realizing how human we all are.

I’d bank with them, if they had an American branch. Probably safer than banking with some companies here…

Sometimes, it’s important to support each other Saturday, Jul 19 2008 

From the July 18, 2008 Dallas Voice:

Gay bar bans drag queens on ‘Trashy Tuesday’

Fueled by cheap drink prices and nearly naked, toned men dancing for tips, Tuesday night bar-hopping on Fitzhugh Avenue is becoming a staple in the Dallas LGBT community. So much so that locals have even given the event a nickname — “Trashy Tuesday.”

But Crews Inn co-owner David Moore says he plans to remove the “T” — for transgender, that is — from the clientele at his Fitzhugh Avenue bar on Tuesday nights.

Moore has banned drag queens-and any transperson whose appearance does not match their photo ID-from Crews Inn. The reason?

“Drag queens act like they are divas and think they can’t do no wrong,” Moore said. “They have stolen money straight off the bar, hassled costumers for drinks and locked themselves in the bathroom with a bunch of guys. And with Tuesday being our busiest night, there is just no way for me to keep the drag queens under control then. I don’t want drag queens in here that are going to misbehave.”

So his solution?

That’s why starting Tuesday, July 15 Moore and his employees began asking transgender women and drag queens to leave. Local drag performers Ivana Tramp and Celeste Williams — who now goes by Emelisa Nunez — said they and a friend were told to go when a bartender, and former drag queen himself, came over and said, “I’m sorry, but the owner is in one of his moods, and he doesn’t want this.”

“I was like, ‘What do you mean? What are you saying?’” Tramp said. “And he goes, ‘David says he doesn’t want this’ — making a hand gesture at us — ‘in this bar, trannies, drag queens or girls.”

Moore “doesn’t want this” in his bar. Trannies, drag queens, or girls. And his logic defending his position?

“How do I separate one drag queen that is being bad from others?” Moore said. “We don’t have the time on Tuesday nights with all the people in here to sit there and tell them apart from one another. If a drag queen misbehaves one week and then the next comes back in a different outfit I wouldn’t be able to recognize them. That’s why I don’t want any of them in here on Tuesdays.”


Now, go a block down the street to Zippers, and ask them if they’ve had problems with drag queens:

“I have not noticed any difference in the behavior of drag queens from our other customers,” he said. “They behave themselves very well and do not cause problems. They will always be welcomed at Zippers.”

Miller says he’s not biased against drag queens:

“If I did (have a bias), several of my employees would not be working here because they are drag queens, too,” he said.

But if they showed up at the door in drag, you’d refuse to let them in, right?

According to the Dallas Tavern Guild’s spokesperson, what Moore is doing is acceptable:

Michael Doughman, executive director of the Dallas Tavern Guild, said as long as Moore is keeping them out because of behavior issues, “he has every right to run his business the way he wants to.” Crew’s Inn is a member of the Tavern Guild, a local association of gay bars.

“I’ve never know David to be prejudiced toward any group of people, so I can’t imagine that it is just because they are guys in drag,” Doughman said.

Even though Moore says he is banning all transpeople-not specific persons.

Oh, and if you’re a transsexual, crossdresser, transgendered, or genderqueer and think this is not your problem-it is. Because if your ID doesn’t match your presentation, you can’t go into Crews Inn. And if Moore can justify not allowing people in for their appearance, then what stops another bar owner from doing the same? And to say “all drag queens are bad,” how far is it to say “all transpeople are bad?”

Maybe I just think this is more important than it is…

How to Kill A Transperson Friday, Feb 15 2008 

From the Gay Alliance of the Genesse Valley’s newsletter:

February 15th, 2008

By Ceridwen Troy
This article was written on Friday, Feb. 15, 2008.

On Saturday, Sanesha Stewart, a transwoman of color living in the Bronx, was murdered in her own apartment. She was 25 years old. Her accused killer, Steve McMillan, had known her for months, yet when he was arrested, he claimed to have been enraged to find out that she was what the media coverage called not really a woman. He stabbed her over and over again in the chest and throat. She tried to fight him off; there were defensive wounds found on her hands.

On Tuesday, eighth-grader Lawrence King was in a classroom in Oxnard, Calif. He was openly gay, and often came to school in gender-bending clothing, makeup, jewelry and shoes. According to another student, it was freaking the guys out. One of them shot Lawrence in the head. He was declared brain-dead on Wednesday.

It is easy to look at cases like this and think, how tragic. How random. How senseless.

But then, you forget how easy it is to kill a transgender person.

You forget that all across this nation, faith leaders of all stripes, men and women who claim to speak for God Himself, call us sinners, call us abominations, call us evil.

You forget that at best the media depicts us as something to be pitied, something that our families must be strong and overcome. At worst, they depict us as abnormal, exploiting our bodies for ratings, exploiting the publics fear of us for shock value.

You forget that on a good day, law enforcement agents are neglectful of us, and that far more frequently they join in our harassment. You forget the transwomen of color who are rounded up on suspicions of prostitution. You forget the beatings that go uninvestigated. You forget the molestation and rape we face when we are arrested.

You forget the medical establishment that drains our wallets for the therapy and hormones and surgeries they tell us we need. You forget the way we are then refused treatment when we are dying, dying of treatable diseases, dying of easily patched wounds.

You forget that, by the law of the land, it is legal in the majority of states to deny us employment, to deny us service, to deny us housing.

You forget the shelters and the rape crisis centers that will not allow us through their doors.

You forget that many of us do not even have family to turn to when we are at our most desperate.

You forget that the leaders of our own community have told us that it is not time for us to have rights, that it is not pragmatic for us to be considered worthy of the same respect as other human beings.

You forget that in our own circles, it is considered a negative thing to be too flamboyant. You forget the way our pride parades have been derided by our own community. You forget the scorn heaped upon drag queens by other gay men. You forget the fear to be seen in public with a friend who is considered too open, too queer.

You forget the way it seeps into the minds of transgender people, too. You forget the way a transsexual will shout that she is not a crossdresser, as if there were something wrong with that. You forget the catty names we call each other if we don’t pass”

You forget how many of us take our own lives every year.

You forget because the noise is always there, a constant drone in the background. Every newspaper piece that calls a transwoman he instead of she. Every talk show host who spends an hour talking about our genitals. Every childish taunt about looking like a tranny. Every transperson who talks about themselves as true transsexuals. Every activist and politician who tells us now is not the time.

You forget too, how easy it is to kill a person of color, with myths about gangstas and lies about immigrants. You forget how easy it is to kill a person living in poverty, cutting off her welfare because she is suuposedly being paid to breed. You forget how easy it is to kill a sex worker, with sex-shaming language, slinging about slurs like hooker and whore.

You forget the message hidden inside every single one of those statements.

You are less than I am. You are not worthy of the rights and respect that I am worthy of.

You are not human.

It is very easy to kill something that you do not see as human.

It is very easy to kill a transperson.

Connections Tuesday, Nov 6 2007 

My friend Jenny posted this excerpt from her friend’s Flickr profile:

I think that it is extremely important that we all, as representatives of the transgender community, present ourselves publicly with intelligence, dignity, empathy, beauty, grace & class., (and a bit of humor never hurts!)
What you do behind closed doors is all up to you, but pride in ourselves and our sisters I should think would be how you would like others to see you… ;))) Presentations which degrade the female being are reflections of thought patterning which sees GG’s as something to objectify.. it’s wrong in my book and it offends my inner female…If you truly are TG then you respect your inner true self and your sisters. Period. It’s true that it’s almost impossible for most of us to fool anyone, BUT if you can present yourselves with pride and confidence… it does, believe me, open many doors and minds…. and you will be able to step out into the world with confidence… ;D

I agree with some of her opinions. Like it or not, we are representatives of the “transgender community” every time we are out in public. I think it’s more important to present yourself as a person, not a stereotype. What is intelligent, dignified, beautiful, graceful and classy is up to the individual. I know that the way I present myself may not the same way some others would, but I try to be someone who is not going to embarrass herself.

No, I don’t think wearing a micro mini, your tightest spandex top, stockings with garters peeking out from under the skirt and five inch stilettos is the best thing to wear to Wal-Mart. But I also don’t think you have to wear a tshirt, jeans, and flip-flops* either. There are other choices, you know?

I’d like to hear your opinions…

*The outfits that the majority of the GG’s who shop at my local Wal-Mart seem to chose…

Why the T in LGBT is here to stay | Salon Thursday, Oct 11 2007 

Why the T in LGBT is here to stay | Salon

An excellent explanation why certain gay people need to get a clue when it comes to why transgendered people need to be part of ENDA…

Thought for the evening Friday, Aug 31 2007 

Posted on the door of one of the (unisex) bathrooms at a coffee house:

“Traditional bathrooms sign would leave you to believe that there is a difference between a man and a woman in a skirt.”